Quiz for
Students
in
Kansas
Public
Schools
by Lloyd Fricker
(Posted September 3,
1999 á Issue 61)
The recent decision by the Kansas Board of Education to
ban the teaching of evolution and anything else that
disagrees with creationist views has left many people
wondering, What will they teach in science classes? It's
also left a few people wondering, Was this group the
Board of Education or the Bored of Education? Well,
we've obtained an authentic copy of a science test to be
given to ninth graders in Kansas. As you can see from the
following test, they do mention evolution and natural
selection. Answers are given at the end.
Quiz for Students in Kansas Public Schools
1. How much time did it take for the creation of the
universe and all the plants and animals?
(a) 5 days.
(b) 6 days.
(c) 7 days.
(d) 40 days and 40 nights.
2. All heavenly bodies revolve around:
(a) the earth.
(b) the moon.
(c) Kansas.
(d) the Kansas Board of Education.
3. The first humans were called:
(a) Homo erectus.
(b) Homo eroticus.
(c) Adam and Eve.
(d) Fred, Wilma, Betty, and Barney.
4. Charles Darwin was a bad person because:
(a) he didn't believe in the Bible
(b) he studied the clergy for two years but dropped
out to go on a
5-year cruise.
(c) he married his cousin.
(d) all of the above.
5. Natural selection is:
(a) hair coloring.
(b) a brand of granola.
(c) an organic grocery store in Topeka, Kansas.
(d) an herbal alternative to a drug.
6. The biggest problem with the theory of evolution is that
it:
(a) contradicts the word of God.
(b) takes too long.
(c) doesn't explain the existence of good and evil.
(d) all of the above.
7. The Big Bang is:
(a) another name for the celebration of Independence
Day.
(b) a Mafiosi expression meaning "to kill someone."
(c) a pornographic movie.
(d) all of the above.
8. The age of the universe is:
(a) 7 days.
(b) 40 days and 40 nights.
(c) 6,000 years.
(d) all of the above.
9. People who don't believe in the Bible's view of Creation
are called:
(a) heathen scum.
(b) the devil's helpers.
(c) scientists.
(d) all of the above.
10.Write a 2 page essay on "How we know the Earth is
flat."
========================================
Answers:
1. (a) It took 5 days for the creation of the universe and
all the plants and animals. If you answered "b" (6 days),
you were probably thinking of the time it took to create
the universe, the plants, the animals, and the people.
2. (a) All heavenly bodies revolve around the Earth. If you
answered Kansas, you were partially right since Kansas is
the center of the Earth.
3. (c) The first humans were called Adam and Eve. If you
answered "d" you've been watching too much TV. If you
answered "a" or "b" you should wash your mouth out with
soap.
4. (d) Charles Darwin was a bad person because of many
things. He was basically a rotten evil person.
5. (d) Natural selection is the term used when someone
chooses a herbal medicine over a drug made by
Satan-worshipping scientists.
6. (d) The problem with the theory of evolution is all of
the above: it contradicts eyewitness reports of God, who
was the only one present at the time of creation. It also
takes too long and doesn't explain why there would be
good and evil.
7. (a) The Big Bang is another term for a Fourth of July
party. If you answered "c," we will notify your parents.
8. (c) The age of the universe is 6,000 years. If you
answered "d" (all of the above), you are logic-impaired
and need to take remedial math classes.
9. (d) People who don't believe in the Bible's description
of Creation are called many bad names including heathen
scum, the devil's helpers, and scientists. These names all
mean the same thing.
10. The answers will vary for this essay question on "how
we know the Earth is flat", but all should include the
following points:
(a) It's the way it's described in the ancient teachings.
(b) Columbus was mistaken in thinking he'd sailed to
India - it was really just some islands off the coast of
America.
(c) The earth sure looks flat in Kansas.
----------------------------------
Lloyd Fricker is a professor of molecular
pharmacology at the Albert Einstein College of
Medicine in New York City.
Ed Himelblau is currently a graduate student in
the Cell and Molecular Biology Program at the
University of Wisconsin at Madison.
===================================================
ciao!
mike
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A human being should be able to
change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a
building, write a sonnet, balance
accounts, build a wall, set a bone,
comfort the dying, take orders, give
orders, cooperate, act alone, solve
equations, analyze a new problem,
pitch manure, program a computer,
cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently,
die gallantly. Specialization is for
insects.
Lazarus Long in Time Enough For Love.
--------
Peace is not the absence of conflict--it is the presence of justice.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
Please visit my website:
http://www.telepath.com/susanb