Thought this was cute. Besides, I can't resist needling the "liberals." on
the list:
One Sunday, the minister was giving a sermon on baptism and in the course
of his sermon he was illustrating the fact that baptism could take place by
sprinkling and not by immersion.
He pointed out some instances in the Bible. He said that when John the
Baptist baptized Jesus in the River Jordan, it didn't mean "in" - it meant
close to, round about, or nearby.
And again when it says in the Bible that Phillip baptized the eunuch in the
river, it didn't mean "in" - it meant close to, round about, or nearby.
After the service, a man came up to the minister and told him it was a
great sermon, one of the best he had ever heard, and that it had cleared up
a great many mysteries he had encountered in the Bible.
"For instance," he said, "the story about Jonah getting swallowed by the
whale has always bothered me. Now I know that Jonah wasn't really in the
whale, but close to, round about, or nearby, swimming in the water.
Then there is the story about the three young Hebrew boys who were thrown
into the fiery furnace, but were not burned. Now I see that they were not
really in the fire, just close to, round about, or nearby, just keeping warm.
But the hardest of all the stories for me to believe has always been the
story of Daniel getting thrown into the lions' den. But now I see that he
wasn't really in the lions' den, but close to, round about, or nearby, like
at the zoo.
"The revealing of these mysteries has been a real comfort to me because I
am a sinful man."
"Now I am gratified to know that I won't be in Hell, but close to, round
about, or nearby."
Dick Fischer - The Origins Solution - www.orisol.com
"The answer we should have known about 150 years ago."
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