Another Parable for Modern Academia
By Deborah and Loren Haarsma
June, 2000
There was a professor who was mentoring two post-docs for whom she had
high hopes. One day the younger one said, "Professor, give me my share
of the research grants." So she divided her grants and projects between
them. Not long after that, the younger post-doc packed up his equipment
and left for another institution. He squandered his resources pursuing
trendy pseudoscience, going on talk shows and publishing outlandish
theories. After his funds ran out, the media lost interest in him and
he couldn't get another grant. He took a job doing public relations
for a self-proclaimed psychic. He longed to do even a single
controlled study, but he wasn't allowed. When he came to his senses,
he said, "My old professor's technicians do lots of interesting work,
while I hate my job. I will return and say, 'I blew it. I am no
longer worthy to be your post-doc. Please hire me as a technician.'"
So he returned to his old institution. But while he was still walking
up the sidewalk, the professor saw him and ran to meet him.
"Professor," he said, "I blew it. I am no longer worthy to be your
post-doc." But she said to her workers, "Quick, clean out the
corner office for him to use. Get him an I.D. card and a computer
account. Call the institute's caterers and order their best spread
and champagne. For my post-doc was lost, but has returned." So they
began to celebrate.
Meanwhile, the older post-doc was working down the hall. When he came
near the main office, he heard laughter and music. He stopped one of
the technicians in the hall and asked him what was happening. "Your
younger colleague has returned," he replied, "and the professor is
throwing a party." The older post-doc went sulking back to his office.
So the professor went to him and pleaded with him. But he answered,
"Look, all these years I've been slaving for you, always second author
on your papers, and you've never even sent out for pizza for me. But
this other guy squanders your grants and reputation on junk science,
and you throw a big party for him!"
The professor said, "You've always been my partner, and all of my
projects are your projects. But we have to celebrate and be glad,
because your colleague was ruined, and has been restored; he was
lost to us, but has been found."
---Note: original Parables for Modern Academia can be found at http://www.calvin.edu/~dhaarsma/parables.html http://www.calvin.edu/~lhaarsma/parables.html
((Copyright reserved by Deborah and Loren Haarsma. May be freely distributed electronically, but please keep this notice attached and do not alter the text.))
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