Keith
>>Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
>>I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die
>>anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass
lawns
>>have to be the stupidest thing we've come up! We constantly battle
>>dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that
>>thrive
>>naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual
>>four-step chemical dependency.
>>
>>Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
>>this:
>>
>>"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going
>>on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
>>thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance
>>garden
>>plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
>>multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted
>>butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
>>garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."
>>
>>"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
>>calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and
>>replace them with grass."
>>
>>"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
>>butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental
>>with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
growing
>>there?"
>>
>>"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
>>green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
>>other plant that crops up in the lawn."
>>
>>"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
>>
>>That must make the Suburbanites happy."
>>
>>"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it -sometimes
>>twice a week."
>>"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
>>
>>"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
>>
>>"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
>>
>>"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
>>
>>"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
>>when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
>>
>>"Yes, sir."
>>
>>"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
>>the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them
>>a
>>lot of work."
>>
>>"You aren't going believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so
>>fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can
>>continue
>>to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
>>
>>"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
>>stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
>>spring
>>to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the
>>ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
>>protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost
to
>>enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life."
>>
>>"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
>>soon
>>as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled
>>away."
>>
>>"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
>>and keep the soil moist and loose?"
>>
>>"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they
>>call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
leaves."
>>
>>"And where do they get this mulch?"
>>"They cut down trees and grind them up."
>>"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine,
>>you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
>>tonight?"
>>"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
>>"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."
Keith B. Miller
Department of Geology
Kansas State University
Manhattan, KS 66506
kbmill@ksu.ksu.edu
http://www-personal.ksu.edu/~kbmill/